More Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops by Campbell Jen

Author:Campbell, Jen [Campbell, Jen]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
ISBN: 9781472107411
Publisher: Constable
Published: 2013-04-08T22:00:00+00:00

CUSTOMER (eagerly): I really liked Fifty Shades of Grey. (Pause) Do you have an illustrated version?

LITTLE GIRL (with her hands on her hips, talking about Alice in Wonderland): Alice falls down a hole in the ground because she doesn’t look where she’s going? I wouldn’t be that stupid.

CUSTOMER: Are these books fire-proof?

BOOKSELLER: … Nope.

CUSTOMER: Well, that’s not very useful is it?

(Phone rings)

BOOKSELLER: Hello?

CUSTOMER: Oh, you’re there! Thank goodness.

BOOKSELLER: How can I help?

CUSTOMER: I’m making a chicken pie from handwritten instructions, and I can’t read my own handwriting.

BOOKSELLER: … Right.

CUSTOMER: Could you check the recipe for me?

Bookseller: … How?

CUSTOMER: Oh! I copied it out of one of the books on the top shelf of your cookery section when I was in last week. I write a new one down whenever I come in – no point in buying the whole book when I can just do that. I was in a hurry last time so my writing’s a mess!

BOOKSELLER: …

CUSTOMER: I need to know what happens after I add the stock. Could you have a look? It’s the big black book, with gold lettering on the spine.

BOOKSELLER: I’m afraid I sold that book earlier today.

CUSTOMER: What? But … but I need it! Why didn’t you stop them taking it?

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